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Aaaah…. or How I spent my birthday’s night –

Posted by Miss Knotty on August 11, 2006

The uniform:

Jammies!!! For the logo people, the shirt says ‘you boar me’. Yes, it’s a pun. Yes, I’m a geek.

The location:

My comfy couch, complete with comfy cushions and good light. I cannot stress the value of good light for the knitterly purposes.

The film:

Goldeneye – an installment of the Brosnan Bond, Theme song sung by Tina Turner, and evil bond girl Xenia Onatop (played by Famke Janssen) – the Bond Car for this one was a BMW Z3 convertible. mm mm. Yes please. This was the first Bond film where M was admirably played by Dame Judi Dench, and the absolutely wonderful, deadpan and hilarious Desmond Llewelyn was still around, in one of his final performances as Q. The villain in this one was Sean Bean, (sp?) of LOTR fame – he was Boromir in “The Fellowship of the Ring.” He plays evil really, really well.

Favorite Bond Quote from this one: “Yes! I am invincible!” – shouted in triumph by evil computer programmer Boris Grishenko just before the liquid Nitrogen tanks all exploded and froze our (evil) computer geek villain boy (as played by Alan Cumming) in time.

The projects:

In its first appearance on KWET – TMP!

Those are my Knucks. Which didn’t actually get worked on. Sorry Knucks! You’re next on the list!

TMP, next to the Tulip toes, waiting for some finishing treatment

None of the photos really works to show the picture of the color on TMP – it’s about halfwa ybetween that dark charcoal gray and the light gray.

The process:

Do these toes seem to be a little… off… to you? Because it seems like the foot on the left is short and wide, and the one on the right is long and narrow.

aah, that’s better.

The Evening:
I thought I was going to be having dinner with friends this evening. That didn’t pan out, quite. But it’s okay. Because what I wanted, what I really wanted to do (but didn’t realize it until I thought about it much later) on my birthday was…. nothing. I wanted to be in my jammies by 8 o’clock (missed that by about an hour, but whatever) – and for the record, yes, the pictures don’t lie. I’m wearing flannel pants in my apartment in August. No, it’s not too bad. Here’s why – they’re threadbare. Reason I don’t take a closer picture: B/C these are my comfy pants. Pants so comfy they don’t leave the house. Pants soooo broken in that they usually don’t even leave the bedroom. But since I’m enjoying a night of solitary bliss…

I’m busting out the jammies. Let’s all say a big huzzah for cooooommmfffooooorrrttt!

Onto a more pseudo-serious note:
Friends, I have been having finishitis. This is good and bad. I’ve worked a number of projects up to the completion bits, and then…. stopped. TMP needs to be seamed up…. so it sits in the bag with its other materials for two (2) weeks (!). A baby blanket needs a border, so it sits in a bag for a MONTH(or maybe more…. when did I finish that?)!* Some bootees need to have the ties finished, ends woven in, a wash and a block. So I set them aside and cast on for something else.

I am *clearly* not into the finishing. There are a number of reasons for this, I think:
1) I don’t like seaming and after the night of a thousand weavings-in, I’m not a fan of that, either.
2) Once I finish a gift, I have to give it. It’s not mine anymore. Not my yarn anymore, not my project anymore. It’s… gone. Not that I have a problem with this, necessarily, in theory. I mean, it’s not like I want a baby to use all this knitted baby stuff with; far, FAR from it. But…. I bought the yarn, you know? and I spent hours, and hours, and HOURS and hours working on said projects, and once I complete the project totally, I have to send it to its intended recipient, and those hours are gone – they’re time spent that the giftee probably never knew about, wouldn’t have factored in, might not even care about. I mean, I don’t know if she’ll like the presents, or if she’ll put in the ‘definitely to be given away in a tactfully discreet manner’ pile. I realize I have absolutely no control over what happens to the projects after they’ve been gifted. I realize that. It’s just that, once that project is done,
3) It’s not mine anymore. It’s a gift, or an art installation, or a neato functional-but-aesthetic something or other (like my sticker bookcase or my kick-a** coffee table.) It’s not MY thing that I’m working on and carrying around, or crowing about, or crying about, or raving mad about, or whatever. I have to move on, start something new. And then there’s that:
4) Fear of the unknown: What about my next project? What will I tackle next? Something small and portable, like a sock? If it is a sock, will it be easy or complex? somthing to work while KIPping, so I can talk and knit and not worry (too much) about gauge? Or something dreadfully complex that I can only work while sitting in complete silence and snarling derisively if someone comes close enough to look at my stitchwork? Lace? Cables? Color? another baby something – I gotta say, for the most part, baby clothes and projects do go AWFULLY FAST – something I like.

**This is a serious part**
The ending of a project is sometimes like the end of a chapter of my life. When I ‘grew up’, spiritually speaking, I had already become disillusioned about the world and some of its sparkly offerings, learning and, in some cases finally really knowing what I already knew and didn’t want to believe, that all that sparkle is likely just cheap craft store glitter that flakes off all over the place and never really goes away, even if you vacuum like 100 million times – and then the surface that it was supposed to stick to (but didn’t) is all dull and gluey colored, and not at all what you expected it to be underneath. Some people I knew had the craft store sparkle too. But when it all came down, when you got close enough to see that there were sparkles missing in some places, they not only had had sparkle scraped off, but the sparkle had been slapped on there to hide an even more serious problem. Not that seeing the darkness or dullness behind the sparkle wasn’t a part of the growing process – sometimes you have to learn through the dark and dull revelations. But I turned that corner, and now when I look back around it, into the hallway of my past, I see a lot of glitter. A lot of fake sparkly to hide the dark and dull parts of my past. Sparkly to cover over the fact that sometimes I didn’t have it all together; in fact, sometimes sparkly to cover up that I didn’t even know what I was (supposed to be) making. All I can do is look back at those times and be grateful that I’m not there anymore, that I (at least) have it more together than that time when…., and just move on. But sometimes finishing projects for me has that finality too. Once the seams are sewn, the ends woven in, once it’s gifted away, all those hours of my life are just in the past, time I spent that has no value to anyone but me (and maybe you, my blog-dience, since you got to kinda-sorta live through it with me).
%%%Thus endeth the deep philosophical portion of our evening%%%.

So yeah, fear of the unknown will sometimes keep me from completing a project, from REALLY completing it – I’ll get all the knitting done, and maybe get the ends all woven in, but the final stuff… I have to get my mettle up to get going on the real finishers, the stuff that makes a piece into something giftable – something I’m proud of and want to share, rather than something that calls to me from the yarnstash closet and mocks me subtly every time I cast on for something I’d RATHER work on than just spending the x hours and finishing up the project. I have to really get to where I want to finish it up. Like college – I had a hard time finishing up college (emotionally speaking), because I didn’t know what lay beyond college – had I known – I NEVER WOULD HAVE FINISHED!!*** – I’m still in a kind of flux, because I never know what lies ahead – none of us does, really, but I have mingled feelings of concern sometimes of – in one moment – what if everything changes? and then….. what if NOTHING changes? Both concerns weigh on me at different times. As they do for everyone, I imagine. I don’t kid myself that I’m the only one who thinks about these weighty concerns. Nor am I the only one who blogs about them. I may be almost the only one who blogs about them in this circuitous, slightly knitting-related, but mostly not way.

[Diversion.insert.Do] Look! It’s a border!

I did finally grow a backbone about the baby blanket border: I picked up stitches on my 36″ circular nylon needle (thank you Granny!) in US 8, and in my usual fashion of stealing– ahem, perverting– a-HEM, ALTERING someone else’s cool idea for my own nefarious purposes – I decided that my quilty-looking afghan needed a border that looked like a log cabin quilt. So I picked up along the border plus CO 10 stitches, and I’m working back and forth in garter stitch for 10 rows (5 ridges), and then I’ll pick up the second side. I decided to do the edges in the soft lilac color and the mint green color, because – you guessed it, they were the only colors besides blue (which has been strictly verboten by Mr. Younger Brother – it IS a girl after all) that I had enough of to execute said border. Before you say – ‘But it’s Caron Simply Soft – there’s no dye lot, you dolt’ – I should say that I WANTED to complete this with the yarn I had on hand, because I got some new birthday presents recently. And the gifts will just keep on giving through August:

Gift 1:
Digital Camera – was a great deal, and just what I wanted – More than what I wanted, actually. I was shooting (no pun intended) for 4-5 Megapixels – I ended up getting 6 in a fluke of good luck that I would have been foolish not to take advantage of. If I had only known that this morning, August 10, my 26th birthday, that I would be REPLACING three bald tires on the Knotty Mobile, I probably would have not purchased the camera, deal or no.

Gift 2:
Three New Tires for the Knotty Mobile. That’s a long story, for another time.

Gift 3:
A New Car Battery (to be purchased before August is out, if the way my current one is acting is any indication.)

Gift 4: A new Oil Pan Gasket, which, I’m told, is a cheap part, but is located on the bottom of the engine, which will be a pricey workjob to complete. Ooooh goody. Details to follow, maybe.

The Knotty Mobile, while I love and enjoy it, has been having some coughs lately, and if I want it to keep getting myself and my knitting (and whatever other stuff rides in my car) from Point A to Point B, I’m gonna have to pour some stash money into it.****

* In my defense, it IS an acrylic baby blanket and it IS Texas in summertime. Do I need to say more?**

** Okay, Fine. I also needed to DECIDE on a border for it. Happy? Haaaaappppy? More on that later in the entry, which if you’ve read this far, you’ll know has already happened. Deja vu?

*** Yes, Mom and Dad, I still would have finished. That was a joke. I was only kidding. Breathe.

****Stash money is not, by the way, money I have stashed. It’s money I WOULD HAVE SPENT on increasing my yarn stash, did I not have to, oh, you know, LIVE on it?

One Response to “Aaaah…. or How I spent my birthday’s night –”

  1. Titine24 said

    Great blog Regina!

    About not finishing things — I used to drive an old boyfriend of mine completely HOG WILD when we went out to dinner by not finished the last square bite of the meal on my plate, because it would be an emotional signal to me that the whole dining experience (the restaurant, the clean tablecloth, the ambience, music, conversation, engaging another’s attention, etc.) would be OVER, and I would have to move on to the end of the evening, saying thank you and good night. It was in a way, making the known events of my life last longer. Took me a long while to realize that was why I did it, and it wasn’t just to irritate him.

    Now I have transferred that delay-mechanism to my knitting. I take forever to put buttons on projects I have finished. Same reason. I think if you and I had more confidence in a bright future we would not be so clingy to the projects which indicate our secure past.

    Did you like the photo of my little son in my next to last blog?

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