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If you were going to die…

Posted by Miss Knotty on July 9, 2006

Okay, tomorrow is not granted to any of us, but my ABF (read: Sunday School) teacher made a very, very valid point the other day. He posed the semi-rhetorical question – if you were going to die tomorrow, and you knew that you were, what would you do today? The only thing that came to my mind and stuck there, was ‘blog my testimony’.

He said, now, bearing in mind the fact that none of use is guaranteed tomorrow – why haven’t you done this?

I’m not writing this for readership or commentary. I believe that when people share their testimony, it helps. It helps the giver to remember when and why they gave their life to Christ, and maybe renews that commitment, it shares with those who hear (or read) it, to know that they are not alone in their circumstance, and might bring them closer to the Lord, or maybe, if they are not believers, that the Spirit might move in them, that they might begin to believe. So here is my testimony.

It’s not the whole story of my life, but it is the story of the beginning of a new life for me.

I got lost when I went to college – as many young people do. I convinced myself that the professors and so-called “intellectuals” were right, and that people don’t need God. Once the convincing was done, I walked a crooked path and did things that lost people do; I tried to fill the void and remedy the sense of nihilistic and cynical hopelessness that had inhabited my heart since I shut God out. At that time I started researching other religions, and continued my ‘spiritual growth’ down a distinctly un-spiritual path, agnostic at first, then atheist, then pagan. I worked in odd part-time jobs, on top of my full-time job to make ends meet, and so that I could buy whatever new thing advertised that might give me that ever-elusive inner peace. I was always looking for more, for something, for anything to give my empty life a less-haunting sense of absolute uselessness and impotence. When I hit my lowest point, I was working my second job at a retail establishment that sold adult novelties, I just looked at all that merchandise and knew, just KNEW that there had to be something more. So I started thinking back. Thinking back to when I was happy – it was a long time since I had been really truly at peace, confident and happy, but I tracked it down. It was when I was in high school, right after I got confirmed as an “adult” in the Lutheran church – I was 16 or so. And, at that time, I was a Christian. My friend Robyn (and others, Josho, Wendy, Taylor, Michael, Hugo… you know who you are) (who, with her husband, is also a member of Prestonwood now), had steadily been working on me (and praying for me, bless her heart) for two years or more, to give God a chance, and to surrender my over-analytical mind and heart to Him, and to let His peace wash over me, and to just trust in something greater, even if I couldn’t see it or feel it working in my life (at first). So I started going to church with her, just to check it out, and started reading a study bible she had given me as a gift. I hadn’t made any promises, but I did promise to read the bible and to think about it – after all, it was thinking that had gotten me into my predicament in the first place – foolish thinking, and thinking about the wrong things and looking to the wrong self-appointed authorities. So I read, and I thought. And then I prayed, and I begged God’s forgiveness for my ego and arrogance, to think that I could ever live without Him and think that I could be happy, and I accepted Jesus into my heart and asked Him to be Lord over my life. I quit the retail job 2 weeks later, and dedicated my heart to deepening my relationship with Jesus Christ. That was a little over a year ago last Mother’s day. I was baptized at Prestonwood this April, at the Good Friday Service. I took a long time in taking that step of obedience due to a particularly gripping fear of water, which the Lord helped me to finally overcome. Once I had done it, I wondered why on earth it had taken me so long – it wasn’t nearly as frightening as the Enemy had me believe. Since last year I’ve been reading and learning and deepening my relationship with the Lord since. It hasn’t been a smooth road, but I’ve learned a lot, and the Holy Spirit moves in my life in ways I never expected. I’m still learning to trust in the Lord and to follow His call, but it’s become a lot easier as time has passed, and as I read the Word and pray for my Heavenly Father’s guidance.


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