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Hiya!! I’m not gone!! (long) (no knitting content)

Posted by Miss Knotty on December 5, 2005

Hello, my faithful readers. I have not dropped off the face, and ‘reports of my demise have been exaggerated’. I have merely been busy. So busy, in fact that I have not had a moment’s peace, nor have I had energy after an action-packed day to drop a line to you, my Peeps. Marshmallow Peeps, that is.

Speaking of Marshmallow Peeps, are there Christmas Peeps yet? I mean, there are Halloween Peeps, and all kinds of shapes of Easter Peeps, so have the little marshmallow dears come out for Christmas? Like stars or Christmas trees or something? If not, there really should be. There should be Peeps for the whole year, and I’m not just saying that because I’m addicted to the little sugar bombs… Okay, truth is I am saying that because I’m addicted to the little sugar bombs. Heh.

I love Peeps. If you hate them with a passion, please don’t tell me about it. I will disagree, but likely agree to eat your share, to my tummy’s detriment. Because I love them. I love Marshmallow Peeps with a love so true.

~~~New topic!~~~
Beware this is church-related content. If church-related content is of little interest to you, then just stay tuned for new knitting content in the next few days. Cheers!

I went to a different church than my usual one (henceforth known as “Church 1”) this Sunday, I went to another church (which shall henceforth be known as “CoveCh”)instead, actually as a fluke. I was headed for another church(henceforth known as ‘the church I couldn’t find’) but I got lost, and ended up going to the afore-mentioned CoveCh, which was a fluke, but it turned out okay. It was kinda trippy, b/c CoveCh is non-denominational, a big departure from my previous Baptist experience. Also, CoveCh is a lot more heterogeneous in terms of its population than Church 1 is. Also, it seems to be a much more… ahem…. interactive service than Church 1 has. I am not bagging on either church, please don’t get me wrong. I like both formats. Let’s just suffice it to say that I’m more of a ‘be still and know that I’m God’ kind of girl, in terms of my prayer life. I think CoveCh is more of an ‘and David danced before the Lord with all his might’ kinda place. Which is great. A person who is free in their expression of their love for God has a lot on me. I’m sometimes afraid to let people know that I’m a Christian. A lot of the people I know (and have known for a long while) are/will be repelled by my change of faith. I’m no evangelist, and I don’t intend to attempt to convert all of my friends, but I don’t also intend to lie and pretend that I’m not a Christian when I am.) So anyway, in my prayer life, I get really quiet and contemplative, and try to be very still (which for those of you, dear readers, that know me personally, know that this is VERY difficult for me. I’m fidgety. Always have been.) By the way, CoveCh is a modest Megachurch. It’s more of a campus, and has a school attached to it. It’s big.)

So anyway, the service was different. They had a small choir and the music was alright. Nothing life-changing, but not unpleasant. It was people raising a joyful noise to the Lord. Who could ask for more than that? It was more heartfelt from some than others, but that’s to be found in all congregations, I think.

The message(s) in the sermon was good, but were kind of spread out. It had several small thesis statements rather than one over-arching theme. (Although I think that it was more of an over-arching theme of, “It’s Christmastime. Remember why it’s called Christmas.)

In addition to the multi-pronged thesis, I got NO guilt vibe out of the sermon. NONE. None of the ‘you’re not a GOOD ENOUGH Christian’ vibe I was getting from the sermons at Church 1, which I was very happy about. I was disconcerted though when they made all the first time visitors stand up. That freaked me out. I didn’t much care for that. Not a fan of the singling-out, am I. But, that said, I wasn’t really singled out so much as I was included in a very small group. (I mean, I wasn’t the only person who stood up – the lady next to me stood up, after all. and the lady on my other side said it was her first time too, although she didn’t stand up.)

Okay, so here’s my frustration:
Problem 1: I don’t get a lot out of the sermons at Church 1. I have a real problem with the heavy guilt trip that G-Man lies on his congregation at regular intervals. He does stick to scripture, though, and his sermons generally have one over-arching theme. Which usually touches or includes guilt in one way or another.

Problem 2: Church 1 is VERY married-people and children-oriented. VERY VERY FAMILY ORIENTED. This is not a problem in and of itself. The problem lies in the fact that I am neither married nor do I have a ‘family’, i.e. husband & children, and it has been clear to me since the first time I went there that adult singles (or singles at large) are NOT the priority of Church 1. It’s all about the families and the marrieds. And the students. There is an EXCELLENT Student Ministry at Church 1. However, I am also not a student. I am at a place in my life where I need to hear a message that’s directed at me, and I don’t get that from the Sunday School or the service, which is a real problem for me.

That might seem selfish to some, and it is, in its way, but I’ve been hearing over and over that adult singles should not live their lives as if it is a state in flux between childhood and marriage, and that it should be lived fully. Well, living fully for me includes a rich church life, and part of that entails a message directed to a single congregation/audience. I need to hear that my life as a single woman is not a situation in flux, but a status to be sought after, (for some). There are distinct benefits to singlehood: I have disposable time that married and attached people my age don’t have. I am unhindered by children or child-related issues, or house payments (although my poverty state at this time is grievous). (PLEASE NOTE: I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT CHILDREN ARE A HINDRANCE. I merely meant to point out that as a single woman I have fewer demands on my time (if not my paycheck).

I don’t have to deal with constant demands of my attention. Besides the obligatory hours spent at my job, my time is pretty much my own to do with as I please. I can knit, read, watch tv, go to a movie, sit at home, walk to the park, spend my time really any way I want to. No one speaks for me.

As a single woman, I need a message that speaks to me in THIS phase of my life, and helps me be on fire for God, not a message that pushes the societal norm of these days that ‘life begins with attachment to a significant other’, which is totally false. This belief that Life with a capital ‘L’ begins with living with someone, or marrying or some other kind of attachment, because it just doesn’t.

I don’t need advice for my future life, or reminders/admonishments of or for my past. Messages to students and parents are lost on me at this current point in my life. I need a message meant for me. I think God knows that too. I think that’s why He led me to where I am. It’s not Birdie & Flying Dutchman’s church (they’re married, and I don’t belong with them. Messages directed to them will not mean the same thing to me), and it’s not the first church I went to, and only because my (pre-existing) friends went there. But maybe this is where I’m meant to be. I’ll definitely have to give some more time to this in prayer.

Another problem: I’ve finally gotten to be friends with people in my Sunday School. I really like them. They’re cool people, and I really enjoy their company. I feel sure that if I choose to leave Church 1 for CoveCh or any other place like church I couldn’t find’, most, if not all of those friendships would come to an end, and I don’t want that. My Church 1 friends are very dear to me.

So I guess the quandary here is, do I stay with Church 1 because I care for my friends, but don’t like the message or do I go to CoveCh, whose message I like but don’t know any people? (yet) Do I leave Church 1 and make a new way, even fearing the loss of my friendships, or do I stay and nurture the friendships, even knowing that the message will not speak to me the way the message at CoveCh will? What a scary crossroads this is. To leave familiarity, but discomfort to move to unfamiliar ground, but a displaced comfort?

I could look at this two ways: (1) I’ll lose the friendships for sure if I bail, or (2) if the friendships are actually true, they’ll hold, even if I leave Church 1, or (3) I say, become disconsolate or begrudging at the message and lose the friendships in any case.

I have a feeling that the friendships, the real ones, will hold. I don’t know this, but I really feel that way. I just know, somehow. The ones that weren’t real won’t hold. But that’s true for any situation, not just a church one. But there’s not much to be done for that.

I’ll have to definitely pray more on this. As for the rest, it’s in the Lord’s hands.

“…We know that we all possess knowledge. Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up. The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know. but the man who loves God is known by God.”
1 Cor. 8:1-3


3 Responses to “Hiya!! I’m not gone!! (long) (no knitting content)”

  1. Rebecca said

    sounds like you’re getting it all figured out girl. I agree with so much of what you said. I’m excited to see what God has in store for you.

  2. Hi there,

    I have the same problems and can sympathesize with you. I had been going to a small baptist church (very pro family) and I am currently in church flux. I still have not found a decent one where singles can actually feel like they belong.
    single and in her 40’s

  3. Pooch said

    I wonder if by the end of your writing, you knew where to attend for corporate worship. Give it to God. He will lead you to the place where you can more clearly hear Him. Sometimes our human “logic” and analysis gets in the way, doesn’t it? Your reference Ps 46:10 holds true. Be still and know that he is God. He will lead. Maybe he already has.–>

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